My Life With Agoraphobia: So alone

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

So alone

Rick went out of town yesterday and I instantly felt so alone. I have a house full of kids but my relief from myself is nowhere in sight. He was supposed to come home tonight but there were no flights home. He'll be here sometime tomorrow...who knows when. I keep trying to tell myself that this is good for me and blah, blah, blah. Deep down I know it is but I feel like I've been holding my breath since yesterday and I won't be able to breathe until he comes home. I try to convince myself that I'm "coping" but deep down I don't think I am. I'm just holding it back until he gets home. I feel suffocated and trapped. Sitting here fighting back my emotions and trying to stay strong when I really just want to cry. I can't do that because I have no idea where that will lead so, I hold back my tears and push on.

I hate when I feel like this because I get so resentful. I resent all the people that just live their lives without these fucked up thoughts and go where ever they want without thinking twice. Why can't I have that?!

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Agoraphobia Definition

Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder. The term “agoraphobia” comes from the Greek words agora (αγορά), meaning “marketplace,” and phobia (φόβος), meaning “fear.” Literally translated as “fear of the marketplace," people with agoraphobia are afraid of open or public spaces.

In reality, most people with agoraphobia are not so much afraid of open and public places as they are afraid of having a panic attack in these settings, especially settings in which there may be no one to help in the case of a panic attack or actual emergency.

Most people with agoraphobia are afraid of any setting where they feel stuck and they may make a fool of themselves by having a panic attack in front of other people. Many people with agoraphobia are afraid to venture anywhere outside of their house.

In settings with people, most people with agoraphobia are afraid of what others will think if they show the outward signs of a panic attack. But people with agoraphobia are also afraid of settings without people, such as walking alone in nature or even being left at home alone. This is because people with agoraphobia are afraid of having a real medical emergency in the absence of others to help.

The symptoms of agoraphobia can make you feel like there is something wrong with your physical body, as if you are having a heart attack or you are choking and unable to breathe. Because of this, many people with agoraphobia develop a fear of having a medical emergency with no one around to rush them to the hospital.

This fear of being in open spaces with no one around is what sets agoraphobia apart from social anxiety disorder. People with social anxiety disorder are only afraid of situations that include other people. People with agoraphobia are afraid of being anywhere other than their safe place, in the presence or absence of other people.

My Life With Agoraphobia

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

So alone

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