Where to begin...

I don't really know where to begin so excuse me if my thoughts and words are hard to follow. I've never blogged before and am not very savvy when it comes to computers. This will be a learning experience for me to say the least.

The reason for this blog is to hopefully help myself get better and to be a resource for other people like me. I know firsthand how isolated and alone this disorder can make you feel. I've spent many hours trying to find information and resources related to my condition and have had little luck. I've come across a few blogs but most haven't been updated in months/years. I just feel like I NEED to know there are other people out there suffering with this like I am.

I have wanted to reach out for a long time but didn't know how or where to begin. I had thought about posting an ad on Craig's List for several months before finally sitting down and doing it. I got very few responses and could only really relate to one. She left me a brief message and I instantly connected with her. When I read her email response I felt the need to know her. The idea that there was someone else out there, that was like me, left me shaking. I almost wanted to cry because I was so excited. All these years, I'd only read about other agoraphobics. I gave her my phone number so she could call. I just needed to hear her voice. Once I heard her voice, I just had to see her in person. I needed to see that she was real. So far, she's been the only person I've met because of the ad I posted but I feel like it was meant to be. Just knowing her for this short amount of time has taught me so much about myself and this disorder. It's given me the chance to finally identify with someone else. I don't feel so alone anymore and that is worth so much to me. I know it sounds cheesy but I really need her in my life. We talk almost everyday and I've been able to open up to her about things that I've never told anyone else. To my surprise, we share a lot of the same feelings and experiences. All these years I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I lost the person I used to be and could no longer define myself as a person. She's helped me realize how much these thoughts and feelings are a part of the disorder and not the "real" me. I just cannot describe how good that feels. For once in my life, I'm beginning to define ME again!

I hope that over time, you will get to know me and learn about the path that has lead me here, where I am now, and where I will be in the future.

Till next time:)