Walgreens trip last night

Somehow I managed to keep my composure till we got into the store. It wasn't until we got to the check out that I got the overwhelming feeling that I needed to get out of there.... NOW! Rick suggested I go to the car while he finished checking out. For a moment, I didn't even think I could walk to the car without him. My legs felt like jelly but at the same time I wanted to run. I felt like an idiot beings that the door was in eye's distance from where he was standing in line so I decided that I would walk out to the car alone. Boy was I happy when I reached the car door. I called Liz to help talk me through it while I waited for Rick which seemed to take an eternity. Sometimes I feel bad calling her because I get so negative about the way I'm feeling and I don't want to make her feel hopeless because I feel that way. In that moment I often wonder how I'm going to continue living like this. Although I usually come out of it, the feeling that I can't go on like this is so overwhelming. I feel like I do all the things I'm supposed to do to get better. I expose myself to the terror on a daily basis. I continue to leave the house when I don't feel like I can. Why won't it go away or at least get easier?? People have no idea what it's like to try so hard and be kicked down at every turn. Trying to heal from this hell I've been living in is really taking a toll on my spirit. It makes me wonder what I ever did to deserve this life. I consider myself to be a good person. Why do I continue to be punished? I'm just so scared that one of these days I'm going to break. I really don't know how much more I can take of this life. It's a living hell!